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Relationship Myths and Conscious Communication

Posted on: February 28, 2010by Dr Kim Dr Hil

Conscious Communication

Conscious communication invites you to take responsibility for the fact that there is no objective reality. Everything you experience is filtered through the lens of your subjective perceptions. If you want to create conscious communication in your relationship you have to be willing to discern your interpretations from the facts there is what occurred and then there is your experience of what occurred). Unless you are skilled at bringing your full awareness to the present moment, your current experiences are connected to all of your past similar experiences. So really you are in relationship with all past relationships including your siblings and parents!

People often find it difficult to take responsibility for their interpretations, no matter how obvious they may appear. Instead they project blame onto their partner. This only creates separation and distrust. Your partner knows he/she didn't mean something the way you took it yet you are sure they did. You are at a crossroads. Now imagine this happening over months or years and it is easy to see how the separation gap widens while intimacy and trust diminish. Learning to separate your interpretations from the facts is a primary part of conscious communication.

Relationship MYTHS

Perhaps understanding a primary myth about love will help. Relationship MYTH: Love is something that happens to us. I can't control how I feel. I just fell in love. This is one of the most disempowering and irresponsible views on love. It perpetuates infidelity and insecurity in relationships. In primary relationships, love is a conscious choice you make daily.

Your Love Energy

Another common Relationship MYTH: I am attracted to this person so I should act on it. It must be a sign of love. Need we say the word infidelity again? Experiencing someone as attractive and being attracted to someone are two different situations. You will most likely always find some people attractive. However being attracted to someone involves opening your energy to them and allowing yourself to feel drawn to them. This is such a common misunderstanding. You know what we are talking about. It is that look that you give someone from across the room. It feels like a vortex of energy has opened and with their eyes they attempt to draw you in to their world. You can feel an energy coming your way and it doesn't feel like a plutonic energy. This is decision time. Do you return the look while opening up your energy or do you notice yet keep your love energy contained within.

There are numerous relationship myths that proliferate unhealthy love dynamics, and thereby fueling unconscious vs. conscious communication. Learning to differentiate your interpretations from the facts of a situation is a great start. Taking responsibility for keeping your love energy sacred by focusing it within your relationship is another important step.

Coaching and Counseling

Hilary Stokes Ph.D. and Kim Ward Ph.D. have been a team for 20 years, specializing in mind, body, spirit psychology. They are the authors of the bestselling books The Happy Map: Your roadmap to the habit of happiness and Manifesting Mindset: The 6-step formula for attracting your goals and dreams and founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to health and happiness. If you are interested in learning the answers to the most frequently asked questions on how to decrease stress and increase happiness sign up for their free video series.

About the Authors

Hilary Stokes Phd

HIlary Stokes, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in California with more than 25 years of clinical experience, specializing in trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, anxiety, depression, and nervous system healing. She holds Master's degrees in Clinical Social Work and Kinesiology and Sports Psychology and a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in Tibetan Buddhist Psychology. Dr. Stokes is extensively trained and certified in brainspotting, EMDR, somatic therapy and other mind body approaches. Her integrative work bridges neuroscience, mindfulness, and holistic psychology to help clients process unresolved trauma, rewire stress patterns, and build emotional resilience.

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Dr. Stokes’ clinical approach is informed by advanced professional training and her own healing journey from complex trauma, which shaped her commitment to therapies that go beyond traditional talk therapy. She has worked in psychiatric hospitals, addiction and PTSD treatment centers, universities, integrative medical facilities, and private practice. As co-developer of the psychology and wellness programming at Sanoviv Medical Institute, she witnessed firsthand the power of integrating mind and body for lasting transformation. Today she helps individuals heal trauma, strengthen emotional regulation and reclaim purpose through brainspotting, EMDR, somatic therapy and mindfulness interventions.

Kim Ward Phd

Kim Ward, Ph.D. holds both a masters and a doctorate in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in Tibetan Buddhist Psychology. She brings more than 25 years of experience in trauma recovery, Brainspotting and mind-body transformation. She is extensively trained and certified in Brainspotting, somatic therapy, and trauma-informed approaches. Dr. Ward integrates neuroscience, nervous system regulation and consciousness-based psychology to help individuals process unresolved trauma, shift limiting beliefs, and access greater emotional resilience. Her work focuses on healing at the root, beyond symptom management, through brain-body therapies that create lasting change.

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As co-developer of the psychology and wellness programs at Sanoviv Medical Institute, Dr. Ward brings a uniquely holistic perspective to trauma therapy and personal growth. Her path from corporate leadership into psychology shaped her commitment to helping clients move beyond external success toward embodied fulfillment and emotional freedom. Dr. Ward's expertise combines Brainspotting, emotional intelligence, contemplative psychology and purpose-driven coaching. Drawing from both advanced academic training and lived experience navigating complex family mental health dynamics, she supports clients in transforming stress patterns, reclaiming vitality, and aligning with authentic purpose.