Two yellow flowers growing through a cracked surface.

Know Your Change Saboteurs to Achieve Your Goals

Posted on: April 26, 2010by Dr Kim Dr Hil

Change requires hope, faith and determination. You have got to give it all you've got if you really want to make a difference in your personal and professional goals. There is a great saying that illuminates this further, You can't afford the luxury of a negative thought Maybe this is taking it a bit too far, but there is definite truth in the fact that chronic pessimism is a real downer to achieving your goals.

Presence of Change Saboteurs

We support our clients to take the following steps;

1. Eaves drop on the conversation you are having with yourself paying special attention to the common change saboteurs: unrealistic expectations, complaints, judgments, criticisms, projection and pessimism.

2. Increase your awareness of the presence of change saboteurs and the types of situations they arise in.

3. When you notice the presence of change saboteurs, ask yourself how you can use one of your personal strengths to help you achieve your goals in that moment. Make a conscious effort to use your personal strengths to stop self-sabotage.

Rule of Change

You can only change yourself. If you want to change someone else you can t. This is at the heart of the change saboteur, projection.If someone else changes because of something you said or did, then they chose to change vs. you making them change. The same rule of change applies in reverse. No one can make you change. You have to choose to change. People often give their power over to others in this area. They blame others for making them feel a certain way or making them do certain things. This leads to a pervasive sense of powerlessness in feeling capable to achieve your goals. Your mind understands this as others made you change vs. you having the ability to choose to change. This fundamental rule of change invites your presence to acknowledge your conscious choices. Whether you do something you like or don't like say to yourself, I did that. I chose that. In the moment this may not make you feel very good if you have abandoned your goals for a healthy lifestyle program, however it will send a message to your mind that in the future you can choose differently. This is not about blame or self criticism. It is simply an acknowledgement of your freedom to choose to change.

Coaching and Counseling

Hilary Stokes Ph.D. and Kim Ward Ph.D. have been a team for 20 years, specializing in mind, body, spirit psychology. They are the authors of the bestselling books The Happy Map: Your roadmap to the habit of happiness and Manifesting Mindset: The 6-step formula for attracting your goals and dreams and founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to health and happiness. If you are interested in learning the answers to the most frequently asked questions on how to decrease stress and increase happiness sign up for their free video series.

About the Authors

Hilary Stokes Phd

HIlary Stokes, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in California with more than 25 years of clinical experience, specializing in trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, anxiety, depression, and nervous system healing. She holds Master's degrees in Clinical Social Work and Kinesiology and Sports Psychology and a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in Tibetan Buddhist Psychology. Dr. Stokes is extensively trained and certified in brainspotting, EMDR, somatic therapy and other mind body approaches. Her integrative work bridges neuroscience, mindfulness, and holistic psychology to help clients process unresolved trauma, rewire stress patterns, and build emotional resilience.

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Dr. Stokes’ clinical approach is informed by advanced professional training and her own healing journey from complex trauma, which shaped her commitment to therapies that go beyond traditional talk therapy. She has worked in psychiatric hospitals, addiction and PTSD treatment centers, universities, integrative medical facilities, and private practice. As co-developer of the psychology and wellness programming at Sanoviv Medical Institute, she witnessed firsthand the power of integrating mind and body for lasting transformation. Today she helps individuals heal trauma, strengthen emotional regulation and reclaim purpose through brainspotting, EMDR, somatic therapy and mindfulness interventions.

Kim Ward Phd

Kim Ward, Ph.D. holds both a masters and a doctorate in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in Tibetan Buddhist Psychology. She brings more than 25 years of experience in trauma recovery, Brainspotting and mind-body transformation. She is extensively trained and certified in Brainspotting, somatic therapy, and trauma-informed approaches. Dr. Ward integrates neuroscience, nervous system regulation and consciousness-based psychology to help individuals process unresolved trauma, shift limiting beliefs, and access greater emotional resilience. Her work focuses on healing at the root, beyond symptom management, through brain-body therapies that create lasting change.

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As co-developer of the psychology and wellness programs at Sanoviv Medical Institute, Dr. Ward brings a uniquely holistic perspective to trauma therapy and personal growth. Her path from corporate leadership into psychology shaped her commitment to helping clients move beyond external success toward embodied fulfillment and emotional freedom. Dr. Ward's expertise combines Brainspotting, emotional intelligence, contemplative psychology and purpose-driven coaching. Drawing from both advanced academic training and lived experience navigating complex family mental health dynamics, she supports clients in transforming stress patterns, reclaiming vitality, and aligning with authentic purpose.