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5 steps to become more emotionally aware and emotionally intelligent

Posted on: May 12, 2010by Dr Kim Dr Hil

Emotional Awareness

Master Your Emotions

In a previous post titled, Emotional Presence we covered the first step to master your emotions; Presence. Emotional Awareness is your second step to master your emotions. Emotional awareness and emotional presence go hand in hand. The more present you are, the more aware you are of your moment-to-moment mental, emotional and physical state. This subtle awareness allows you to make quality decisions that are based on your emotional intelligence and creative reasoning. Emotional awareness reflects not only your ability to recognize and understand your emotions in the moment but also your ability to understand your patterns of responding emotionally across situations. Emotional awareness is the window into transforming your skills of healthy emotional expression. Most people will do just about anything to avoid looking at their emotions. Suppression, denial and projection are common ways to avoid dealing with emotions and consequently represent low emotional intelligence.

Healthy Emotional Expression

In order to master your emotions you have to be willing to dive into the abyss and explore your emotional terrain. Healthy emotional expression calls on you to take an objective look at a situation and how you are feeling about it.

1. Make a commitment to develop your emotional awareness everyday.

2. At least three times per day practice the Presence Exercise (outlined in the Emotional Presence post)

3. Then ask yourself, How am I feeling? If you are unsure consider if you are mad, sad, glad, happy, afraid or some variation of these primary emotions.

3. Notice where you feel this feeling in your physical body.

4. Identify any thoughts you are having regarding these feelings.

5. Identify the current situation you are experiencing related to these feelings.

Now that you are present and aware you are ready for the next step; develop your emotional expression skills by releasing and letting go of your feelings.

Coaching and Counseling

Hilary Stokes Ph.D. and Kim Ward Ph.D. have been a team for 20 years, specializing in mind, body, spirit psychology. They are the authors of the bestselling books The Happy Map: Your roadmap to the habit of happiness and Manifesting Mindset: The 6-step formula for attracting your goals and dreams and founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to health and happiness. If you are interested in learning the answers to the most frequently asked questions on how to decrease stress and increase happiness sign up for their free video series.

About the Authors

Hilary Stokes Phd

HIlary Stokes, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in California with more than 25 years of clinical experience, specializing in trauma therapy, PTSD treatment, anxiety, depression, and nervous system healing. She holds Master's degrees in Clinical Social Work and Kinesiology and Sports Psychology and a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in Tibetan Buddhist Psychology. Dr. Stokes is extensively trained and certified in brainspotting, EMDR, somatic therapy and other mind body approaches. Her integrative work bridges neuroscience, mindfulness, and holistic psychology to help clients process unresolved trauma, rewire stress patterns, and build emotional resilience.

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Dr. Stokes’ clinical approach is informed by advanced professional training and her own healing journey from complex trauma, which shaped her commitment to therapies that go beyond traditional talk therapy. She has worked in psychiatric hospitals, addiction and PTSD treatment centers, universities, integrative medical facilities, and private practice. As co-developer of the psychology and wellness programming at Sanoviv Medical Institute, she witnessed firsthand the power of integrating mind and body for lasting transformation. Today she helps individuals heal trauma, strengthen emotional regulation and reclaim purpose through brainspotting, EMDR, somatic therapy and mindfulness interventions.

Kim Ward Phd

Kim Ward, Ph.D. holds both a masters and a doctorate in Transpersonal Psychology with a specialization in Tibetan Buddhist Psychology. She brings more than 25 years of experience in trauma recovery, Brainspotting and mind-body transformation. She is extensively trained and certified in Brainspotting, somatic therapy, and trauma-informed approaches. Dr. Ward integrates neuroscience, nervous system regulation and consciousness-based psychology to help individuals process unresolved trauma, shift limiting beliefs, and access greater emotional resilience. Her work focuses on healing at the root, beyond symptom management, through brain-body therapies that create lasting change.

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As co-developer of the psychology and wellness programs at Sanoviv Medical Institute, Dr. Ward brings a uniquely holistic perspective to trauma therapy and personal growth. Her path from corporate leadership into psychology shaped her commitment to helping clients move beyond external success toward embodied fulfillment and emotional freedom. Dr. Ward's expertise combines Brainspotting, emotional intelligence, contemplative psychology and purpose-driven coaching. Drawing from both advanced academic training and lived experience navigating complex family mental health dynamics, she supports clients in transforming stress patterns, reclaiming vitality, and aligning with authentic purpose.