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How to Master Your Emotions

You can’t just THINK your way through your FEELings!

Do you ever feel like you are riding an emotional roller coaster? Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down.

When things are going well the skies are blue, the sun is shining and you feel great but when things aren’t going your way, the storm of emotions blow in.

We call this ‘conditional management of your emotions.’ Anytime you place your power in the hands of external conditions and events to determine how you feel, you intensify your emotional roller coaster ride and increase stress.

How skillfully do you deal with your emotions?

  • I distract myself so that I don’t have to deal with my feelings.
  • I often worry or get anxious about the future.
  • If I am upset I can’t get past it for hours.
  • I feel as though stress is always present in my life.
  • I have many unresolved feelings about my past that I am not sure how to deal with.
  • I am uncomfortable with others’ emotions such as anger or grief.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. Many people do their best to deal with lingering feelings such as impatience, anger, worry or hurt without lasting success. Then someone comes along and tells you ‘to just let it go’ and you feel like you must have missed that class in school or it’s just not possible for you to get past it.

Perhaps it is a relief for you to know that all of us missed that class in school or work or at home because there wasn’t one. At least there wasn’t one that encouraged or modeled healthy emotional expression with step-by-step instructions for how to understand your feelings, how to actually feel them and how to use them to make healthy choices.

Yes, all of this is possible through learning a few skills for healthy emotional exploration and expression.

This post is the first in a series on how to master your emotions. In this series we will explain why your good intentions of ‘thinking’ positively and ‘just letting it go’ may not have brought you lasting results.

We will help you understand why the same upset feelings regarding an issue continue to surface month after month or year after year.  We will explore the neuroscience of emotions and what you can do to get some relief and express your emotions in a healthy way.

Coaching and Counseling

Hilary Stokes Ph.D. and Kim Ward Ph.D. have been a team for 20 years, specializing in mind, body, spirit psychology. They are the authors of the bestselling books The Happy Map: Your roadmap to the habit of happiness and Manifesting Mindset: The 6-step formula for attracting your goals and dreams and founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to health and happiness. If you are interested in learning the answers to the most frequently asked questions on how to decrease stress and increase happiness sign up for their free video series.


About the Authors

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Hilary Stokes Phd

Dr. Hilary Stokes is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in San Diego, California. Dr. Hilary received her PhD in psychology with a specialty in transpersonal psychology from San Diego University for Integrative Studies, a master’s degree in social work from San Diego State University and a master’s degree in Sport Psychology from San Jose State University. In addition to her ….

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Kim Ward Phd

Dr. Kim Ward received her PhD in psychology with a specialty in transpersonal psychology from San Diego University for Integrative Studies. She also holds a master’s degree in transpersonal psychology from John F. Kennedy University in Orinda, California. Dr. Kim is a certified trauma-informed coach and life coach in private practice in San Diego, California. In…

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