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Relationship Fact: Love is a Conscious Choice

Love Drug

Relationship FACT: Love is a conscious choice
. In fact, love is a verb and it implies action. Being attracted to someone is also a choice. Given that love alters your brain chemistry, we can understand how it may not feel as though love is a conscious choice. But trust us, if you want to create a thriving and passionate relationship with conscious communication, consider that love is a conscious choice you make in the present moment.

Research shows that your brain chemistry is altered for up to 18 months after meeting someone that you develop strong feelings for. This love drug brain chemistry alteration leads to all of the amazing feelings you experienced in the beginning of a relationship: constantly thinking about each other, the desire to be together all of the time, high sex drive and feeling that he/she can do no wrong in your eyes. Well, what happens after 18 months when the love drug wears off?

Intimacy and Trust

This is where many couples begin to bewilderingly wonder WHAT HAPPENED? They believe the other person changed or they just fell out of love. All that happened is your brain chemistry returned to normal.

  • You are finally able to focus on your work again or maybe actually make it to work.
  • You are able to get to bed at a decent time or get out of bed in the morning.
  • You can think about something else, anything else but your partner.
  • Life has more balance and you are able to take your love to a whole new level.

Your Shadow

This is where true intimacy and trust are fostered and where conscious communication counts most. It is also where more conflicts begin to ensue as you feel safe enough to reveal new parts of yourself that your partner hasn’t seen. You have established a degree of intimacy and trust and now you begin to show what is lovingly called your shadow. Know that this is to be expected and presents the opportunity for applying conscious communication.

Coaching and Counseling

Kim Ward Ph.D. and Hilary Stokes Ph.D., founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling, have worked as a team for over 15 years. Their mission is to empower people to achieve their authentic potential. They specialize in bringing the synergistic power of mind, body and spirit to individuals and couples. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to realize whole body wellness. If you are looking for a holistic approach to improving your life please contact Hilary Stokes Ph.D. & Kimberly Ward Ph.D. at Authenticity Associates.

About the Authors

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Hilary Stokes Phd

Dr. Hilary Stokes is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in San Diego, California. Dr. Hilary received her PhD in psychology with a specialty in transpersonal psychology from San Diego University for Integrative Studies, a master’s degree in social work from San Diego State University and a master’s degree in Sport Psychology from San Jose State University. In addition to her ….

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Kim Ward Phd

Dr. Kim Ward received her PhD in psychology with a specialty in transpersonal psychology from San Diego University for Integrative Studies. She also holds a master’s degree in transpersonal psychology from John F. Kennedy University in Orinda, California. Dr. Kim is a certified trauma-informed coach and life coach in private practice in San Diego, California. In…

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