In a previous post titled, Emotional Presence we covered the first step to master your emotions; Presence. Emotional Awareness is your second step to master your emotions. Emotional awareness and emotional presence go hand in hand. The more present you are, the more aware you are of your moment-to-moment mental, emotional and physical state. This subtle awareness allows you to make quality decisions that are based on your emotional intelligence and creative reasoning. Emotional awareness reflects not only your ability to recognize and understand your emotions in the moment but also your ability to understand your patterns of responding emotionally across situations. Emotional awareness is the window into transforming your skills of healthy emotional expression. Most people will do just about anything to avoid looking at their emotions. Suppression, denial and projection are common ways to avoid dealing with emotions and consequently represent low emotional intelligence.

Healthy Emotional Expression

In order to master your emotions you have to be willing to dive into the abyss and explore your emotional terrain. Healthy emotional expression calls on you to take an objective look at a situation and how you are feeling about it.

1. Make a commitment to develop your emotional awareness everyday.

2. At least three times per day practice the Presence Exercise (outlined in the Emotional Presence post)

3. Then ask yourself, How am I feeling? If you are unsure consider if you are mad, sad, glad, happy, afraid or some  variation of these primary emotions.

3. Notice where you feel this feeling in your physical body.

4. Identify any thoughts you are having regarding these feelings.

5. Identify the current situation you are experiencing related to these feelings.

Now that you are present and aware you are ready for the next step; develop your emotional expression skills by releasing and letting go of your feelings.

Coaching and Counseling

Kim Ward Ph.D. and Hilary Stokes Ph.D., founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling, have worked as a team for over 15 years. Their mission is to empower people to achieve their authentic potential. They specialize in bringing the synergistic power of mind, body and spirit to individuals and couples. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to realize whole body wellness. If you are looking for a holistic approach to improving your life please contact Hilary Stokes Ph.D. & Kimberly Ward Ph.D. at Authenticity Associates.

Do you ever feel like you are riding an emotional roller coaster? Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down.

When things are going well the skies are blue, the sun is shining and you feel great but when things aren’t going your way, the storm of emotions blow in.

We call this ’conditional management of your emotions.’ Anytime you place your power in the hands of external conditions and events to determine how you feel, you intensify your emotional roller coaster ride and increase stress. 

How skillfully do you deal with your emotions?

• I distract myself so that I don’t have to deal with my feelings.
• I often worry or get anxious about the future.
• If I am upset I can’t get past it for hours.
• I feel as though stress is always present in my life.
• I have many unresolved feelings about my past that I am not sure how to deal with.
• I am uncomfortable with others’ emotions such as anger or grief.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. Many people do their best to deal with lingering feelings such as impatience, anger, worry or hurt without lasting success. Then someone comes along and tells you ‘to just let it go’ and you feel like you must have missed that class in school or it’s just not possible for you to get past it. 

Perhaps it is a relief for you to know that all of us missed that class in school or work or at home because there wasn’t one. At least there wasn’t one that encouraged or modeled healthy emotional expression with step-by-step instructions for how to understand your feelings, how to actually feel them and how to use them to make healthy choices.

Yes, all of this is possible through learning a few skills for healthy emotional exploration and expression.

This post is the first in a series on how to master your emotions. In this series we will explain why your good intentions of ‘thinking’ positively and ‘just letting it go’ may not have brought you lasting results.

We will help you understand why the same upset feelings regarding an issue continue to surface month after month or year after year.  We will explore the neuroscience of emotions and what you can do to get some relief and express your emotions in a healthy way. 

Coaching and Counseling

Kim Ward Ph.D. and Hilary Stokes Ph.D., founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling, have worked as a team for over 15 years. Their mission is to empower people to achieve their authentic potential. They specialize in bringing the synergistic power of mind, body and spirit to individuals and couples. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to realize whole body wellness. If you are looking for a holistic approach to improving your life please contact Hilary Stokes Ph.D. & Kimberly Ward Ph.D. at Authenticity Associates.

Written by Hilary Stokes Ph.D. & Kimberly Ward Ph.D.