Conscious communication invites you to take responsibility for the fact that there is no objective reality. Everything you experience is filtered through the lens of your subjective perceptions. If you want to create conscious communication in your relationship you have to be willing to discern your interpretations from the facts there is what occurred and then there is your experience of what occurred). Unless you are skilled at bringing your full awareness to the present moment, your current experiences are connected to all of your past similar experiences. So really you are in relationship with all past relationships including your siblings and parents!
People often find it difficult to take responsibility for their interpretations, no matter how obvious they may appear. Instead they project blame onto their partner. This only creates separation and distrust. Your partner knows he/she didn’t mean something the way you took it yet you are sure they did. You are at a crossroads. Now imagine this happening over months or years and it is easy to see how the separation gap widens while intimacy and trust diminish. Learning to separate your interpretations from the facts is a primary part of conscious communication.
Perhaps understanding a primary myth about love will help. Relationship MYTH: Love is something that happens to us. I can’t control how I feel. I just fell in love. This is one of the most disempowering and irresponsible views on love. It perpetuates infidelity and insecurity in relationships. In primary relationships, love is a conscious choice you make daily.
Your Love Energy
Another common Relationship MYTH: I am attracted to this person so I should act on it. It must be a sign of love. Need we say the word infidelity again? Experiencing someone as attractive and being attracted to someone are two different situations. You will most likely always find some people attractive. However being attracted to someone involves opening your energy to them and allowing yourself to feel drawn to them. This is such a common misunderstanding. You know what we are talking about. It is that look that you give someone from across the room. It feels like a vortex of energy has opened and with their eyes they attempt to draw you in to their world. You can feel an energy coming your way and it doesn’t feel like a plutonic energy. This is decision time. Do you return the look while opening up your energy or do you notice yet keep your love energy contained within.
There are numerous relationship myths that proliferate unhealthy love dynamics, and thereby fueling unconscious vs. conscious communication. Learning to differentiate your interpretations from the facts of a situation is a great start. Taking responsibility for keeping your love energy sacred by focusing it within your relationship is another important step.
Coaching and Counseling
Kim Ward Ph.D. and Hilary Stokes Ph.D., founders of Authenticity Associates Coaching and Counseling, have worked as a team for over 15 years. Their mission is to empower people to achieve their authentic potential. They specialize in bringing the synergistic power of mind, body and spirit to individuals and couples. They are passionate about combining the best of holistic and traditional approaches to realize whole body wellness. If you are looking for a holistic approach to improving your life please contact Hilary Stokes Ph.D. & Kimberly Ward Ph.D. at Authenticity Associates.